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WITandWISDOM(tm) - January 6, 1998
Age 65 - I've learned that you can always get more money, but you can never get more time.
Source: LIVE AND LEARN AND PASS IT ON
Shared by Elisa Wimer
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
A FOREVER FRIEND
Sometimes in life,
you find a special friend;
Someone who changes your life
just by being part of it.
Someone who makes you laugh
until you can't stop;
Someone who makes you believe
that there really is good in the world.
Someone who convinces you
that there really is an unlocked door
just waiting for you to open it.
This is Forever Friendship.
When you're down,
and the world seems dark and empty,
Your forever friend lifts you up in spirit
suddenly seem bright and full.
Your forever friend gets you through
the hard times, the sad times,
and the confused times.
If you turn and walk away,
your forever friend follows.
If you lose your way,
your forever friend guides you
and cheers you on.
Your forever friend holds your hand
and tells you that
everything is going to be okay.
And if you find such a friend,
you feel happy and complete,
because you need not worry.
You have a forever friend for life,
and forever has no end.
- Author Unknown
Shared by Tim Colwell
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
MOM'S DICTIONARY DAFFYNITIONS Part 1 of 2
AIRPLANE: What Mom impersonates to get a 1-yr.-old to eat strained beets.
ALIEN: What Mom would suspect had invaded her house if she spotted a child-sized creature cleaning up after itself.
APPLE: Nutricious lunchtime dessert which children will trade for cupcakes.
BABY: 1) Dad, when he gets a cold. 2) Mom's youngest child, even if he's 42.
BATHROOM: A room used by the entire family, believed by all except Mom to be self-cleaning.
BECAUSE: Mom's reason for having kids do things which can't be explained logically.
BED & BREAKFAST: Two things the kids will never make for themselves.
CARPET: Expensive floor covering used to catch spills and clean mud off shoes.
CAR POOL: Complicated system of transportation where Mom always winds up going the furthest with the biggest bunch of kids who have had the most sugar.
CHINA: Legendary nation reportedly populated by children who love leftover vegetables.
COOK: 1) Act of preparing food for consumption. 2) Mom's other name.
COUCH POTATO: What Mom finds under the sofa cushions after the kids eat dinner.
DATE: Infrequent outings with Dad where Mom can enjoy worrying about the kids in a different setting.
DRINKING GLASS: Any carton or bottle left open in the fridge.
DUST: Insideous interloping particles of evil that turn a home into a battle zone.
DUST RAGS: See "DAD'S UNDERWEAR."
EAR: A place where kids store dirt.
EAT: What kids do between meals, but not at them.
EMPTY NEST: See "WISHFULL THINKING."
ENERGY: Element of vitality kids always have an oversupply of until asked to do something.
"EXCUSE ME": One of Mom's favorite phrases, reportedly used in past times by children.
EYE: The highly susceptible optic nerve which, according to Mom, can be "put out" by anything from a suction-arrow to a carelessly handled butter knife.
FABLE: A story told by a teenager arriving home after curfew.
FOOD: The response Mom usually gives in answer to the question "What's for dinner tonight?" See "SARCASM"
FROZEN: 1) A type of food. 2) How hell will be when Mom lets her daughter date an older guy with a motorcycle.
GARBAGE: A collection of refuse items, the taking out of which Mom assigns to a different family member each week, then winds up doing herself.
GENIUSES: Amazingly, all of Mom's kids.
GUM: Adhesive for the hair.
HAMPER: A wicker container with a lid, usually surrounded by, but not containing, dirty clothing.
HANDI-WIPES: Pants, shirt-sleeves, drapes, etc.
HANDS: Body appendages which must be scrubbed raw with volcanic soap and sterilized in boiling water immediately prior to consumption of the evening meal.
HINDSIGHT: What Mom experiences from changing too many diapers.
HOMEMADE BREAD: An object of fiction like the Fountain of Youth and the Golden Fleece.
ICE: Cubes of frozen water which would be found in small plastic tray if kids or husbands ever filled the darn things instead of putting them back in the freezer empty.
INSIDE: That place that will suddenly look attractive to kids once Mom has spent a minimum of half an hour getting them ready to go outside.
"I SAID SO": Reason enough, according to Mom
JACKPOT: When all the kids stay at friends' homes for the night.
JEANS: Which, according to kids, are appropriate for just about any occasion, including church and funerals.
"JEEEEEEEEZ!": Slang for "Gee Mom, isn't there anything else you can do to embarrass me in front of my friends?"
Shared by Adam's Smile List SLemail@example.com
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
An exasperated mother, whose son was always getting into mischief, finally asked him, "How do you expect to get into heaven?" The boy thought it over and said, "Well, I'll just run in and out and in and out and keep slamming the door until St. Peter says, 'For heaven's sake, Jimmy, come in or stay out.'"
Shared by dphenry via Bill's Punch Line firstname.lastname@example.org
A century-old silver dollar that was locked away in a time capsule is offering a modern-day lesson in economics. This week, Urbana, Ill., city officials learned that the silver dollar -- an 1893-S Morgan coin that was one of only 100,000 minted -- is worth between $40,000 and $75,000.
The Seattle Times, Saturday, September 13, 1997 via Keith's Mostly Clean Humor & Weird List email@example.com