WITandWISDOM™ - E-zine

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WITandWISDOM(tm) - January 16, 1998

~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS:

Knowledge without insight is like a horse in the library.

Shared by Rod B. Souza


WHAT I HAVE LEARNED..... Part 1 of 2

I've learned that I like my teacher because she cries when we sing "Silent Night". - Age 7

I've learned that you can't hide a piece of broccoli in a glass of milk. - Age 7

I've learned that when I wave to people in the country, they stop what they are doing and wave back. - Age 9

I've learned that if you want to cheer yourself up, you should try cheering someone else up. - Age 13

I've learned that just when I get my room the way I like it, Mom makes me clean it up. - Age 13

I've learned that although it's hard to admit it, I'm secretly glad my parents are strict with me. - Age 15

I've learned that silent company is often more healing than words of advice. - Age 24

I've learned that brushing my child's hair is one of life's great pleasures. - Age 29

I've learned that wherever I go, the world's worst drivers have followed me there. - Age 29

I've learned that if someone says something unkind about me, I must live so that no one will believe it. - Age 39

I've learned that there are people who love you dearly but just don't know how to show it. - Age 41

I've learned that you can make someone's day by simply sending them a little card. - Age 44

I've learned that children and grandparents are natural allies. - Age 46

I've learned that the greater a person's sense of guilt, the greater his need to cast blame on others. - Age 46

Shared by Jim Turner and Kevin Muenzler

~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:

How bad a mistake can you make on your resume?
Here are some real-life examples:

"My intensity and focus are at inordinately high levels, and my ability to complete projects on time is unspeakable."

"Education: Curses in liberal arts, curses in computer science, curses in accounting."

"Instrumental in ruining entire operation for a Midwest chain store."

"I have an excellent track record, although I am not a horse."

"I am a rabid typist."

"Created a new market for pigs by processing, advertising and selling a gourmet pig mail order service on the side."

"Exposure to German for two years, but many words are not appropriate for business."

"Proven ability to track down and correct erors."

"I have become completely paranoid, trusting completely nothing and absolutely no one."

"References: None, I've left a path of destruction behind me."

"Don't take the comments of my former employer too seriously, they were unappreciative beggars and slave drivers."

"My goal is to be a meteorologist. But since I possess no training in meteroology, I suppose I should try stock brokerage."

"I procrastinate--especially when the task is unpleasant."

"I am loyal to my employer at all costs ..Please feel free to resond to my resume on my office voicemanil."

"Qualifications: No education or experience."

"Disposed of $2.5 billion in assets."

"Accomplishments: Oversight of entire department."

"Extensive background in accounting. I can also stand on my head!"

Cover letter: "Thank you for your consideration. Hope to hear from you shorty!"

Shared by Michael Bastedo via Oracle Service Humor Mailing List http://oraclehumor.com


A stingy old man who had been diagnosed with a terminal illness was determined to prove wrong the saying, "You can't take it with you." After much thought and consideration, he finally figured out how to take at least some of his money with him when he died.

He instructed his wife to go to the bank and withdraw enough money to fill two pillow cases. He then directed her to take the bags of money to the attic and leave them directly above his bed. His plan was that when he passed away, he would reach out and grab the bags on his way to heaven.

Several weeks after the funeral, the deceased lawyer's wife, up in the attic cleaning, came upon the two forgotten pillow cases stuffed with cash. "Oh, that darned old fool," she exclaimed. "I knew he should have had me put the money in the basement."

Shared by Kitty's Daily Mews http://www.katscratch.com/mews.html

~~~~~~~ TRIVIA:

The house with the world's narrowest front is only 39 inches (1 meter) wide! This house, located on the Singel canal in Amsterdam, is barely wider than the front door. However, the rear portions of the house expand to more ordinary house dimensions.

Of houses that never broaden out, the narrowest in Europe is also in Amsterdam, a mere 6.6 feet (2.0 meters) wide and 20 feet (6 meters) deep. That's about the same living area as an average-sized home swimming pool!

Shared by The Learning Kingdom's Cool Fact of the Day http://www.LearningKingdom.com/join.html

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