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WIT & WISDOM - August 27, 1998
I have had dreams and I have had nightmares, but I have conquered my nightmares because of my dreams. - Dr. Jonas Salk 
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
23rd Psalm for Busy People
- Author Unknown
The Lord is my pace setter, I shall not rush.
He makes me to stop and rest for quiet intervals.
He provides me with images of stillness, which restores my serenity.
He leads me in ways of efficiency, through calmness of mind.
And His guidance is my peace.
Even though I have a great many things to accomplish each day
I will not fret, for His presence is here.
His timelessness, His all-importance will keep me in balance.
He prepares refreshment and renewal in the midst of my activity
By anointing my mind with His oils of tranquillity.
My cup of joyous energy overflows.
Surely harmony and effectiveness shall be the fruits of my hour,
For I shall walk in the pace of the Lord and dwell in His house forever. 
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
GREAT UNCLE ED AND THE PIG
By Anne Watson
Mama's family came from Tennessee. They were educated - for the time and place. Grandma was a country schoolteacher. Her brother Ed was a country lawyer. Ed was a big man - stood over six feet in his socks. He didn't look like a smart person. Why, just to look at Ed, you'd feel sorry for the man. You'd think "Here's a soul to be specially kind to."
Ed cleaned up on this.
He had a little office in a town right on the Arkansas border. I don't know the name of the town: maybe it didn't HAVE a name. He handled all the law for miles around, which wasn't much. He made up the difference by moonshining. So the story goes.
Now one night, a man came to Ed's office and asked for help. Ed wasn't doing much at the time. He asked how he might be of service.
"Sheriff got me for stealing a pig." said his new client.
"Oh," said Ed. "Did you do it?"
"Oh," said Ed. "Where is the pig now?"
"In my smokehouse," said his client. "I got no money to pay."
Ed considered. "Give me half the pig," he said, "And I'll get you off."
Court was the next morning, and Ed was first on the docket. He put his hand on the Bible, swore to tell the truth. He stood up tall and glared at the judge. "Yer Honor," he declaimed "They ain't any more of that pig in that man's smokehouse than there is in mine!" 
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
A friend of mine herd this on a pre-flight announcement from an American Airlines pilot:
"On our flight today, we will be flying at 34,000 feet. To give you an idea of how high that is, we would be able to fly over 50 Empire state buildings stacked one on top the other. Our speed will be about 500 miles per hour. That is just over the muzzle velocity of the standard military .45 pistol. We will be pushed along by two Pratt and Whitney JT-8D-200 turbofan engines. While thrust to horsepower varies with altitude, the total 40,000 pounds of thrust is greater than the combined power of 10 D-9 diesel locomotives. In other words, were faster than a speeding bullet, more powerful than a locomotive, and able to leap tall buildings in a single bound, and as always your Dallas based crew stands for truth, justice, and the AAmerican way!" - Mark Wood 
YARD: (Not all of these have personally been tested)
Sprinkling the lawn out of habit is wasting a natural resource and money, too. A healthy lawn will signal it's thirsty when walking on it makes footprints.
Create a feeling of depth in a small yard by positioning small leaf plants on the property line, large leaf ones close to the house. The eye perceives the size difference as distance.
A child's wagon is a treasure to a home gardener who needs help carrying heavy bags, supplies, and bulky trash.
If a raking or digging job is too hard on tender skin, and you have no work gloves, run for an oven mitt before a blister forms. 
 (Evelyn Hall)
 (Walt Groff)
 (Tony Whittaker)
 (Mark Wood via Bill's Punch Line firstname.lastname@example.org)
 (Larry Reed)