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WIT & WISDOM - September 30, 1998
How often we forget the little words of thanks, of praise, or encouragement. When we look back at our own life we remember not the gifts we have been given, but the smile, the kiss, the praise that has helped and enriched us. We must pray not to forget to give freely these "little things" to everyone we meet today. - Barbara Cartland 
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
20 SECRETS TO HAPPINESS
Return everything you borrow.
Stop blaming other people.
Live within your means and within your seams.
Listen more; talk less.
Every day, do something nice and try not to get caught.
Strive for excellence, not perfection.
Be on time.
Don't criticize anyone for 24 hours.
Be kind to other people.
Be even kinder to unkind people.
Take time to be alone.
Admit it when you make a mistake.
Understand and accept that life isn't always fair.
Let someone cut ahead of you in line.
Know when to say something.
Know when to keep your mouth shut.
Don't make excuses.
Don't sweat the small stuff. 
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
WRITING HOME THE EASY WAY:
Dear Parent(s), Date:___________
I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us.
__ Money (Cash)! Amount: _________________________
__ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ___________
__ Clean clothes!
__ I am in love with myself
__ I am in love!
__ I am engaged
__ I got married last weekend
__ Worships the ground I walk on
__ Gave me a black eye
__ Has fleas
My Professors are:
__ Water walkers
__ Mental institution escapees
__ Brain dead nerds
__ Super oxygen thieves
__ I wrecked the car
__ I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit
__ Is great!
__ Even makes me appreciate your cooking
__ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals
__ I am making all A's
__ I am not being properly challenged
__ I will be home after this semester
__ Night and day
__ All the time
__ 80 hours a week
__ Only on Sunday afternoon
__ None of the above
On my last visit home, I left:
__ My glasses
__ My paper that was due yesterday
__ The clothes you washed for me
__ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment
__ Other _____________________________________________
Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue)
__ My white underwear is now _________________
__ I am saving money by not using detergent
__ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester
__ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains
__ Can pass your "white glove" test
__ Is only _____% full
__ Could not be located last Saturday night
__ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training
__ Miss me
__ Can live without me
__ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence
__ Your Daughter,
__ Your Son,
__ Yours, 
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
The boy's clothing shop was giving away balloons to customers. One little fellow asked if he might have two. "Sorry," the clerk said, "but we give only one balloon to a child. Do you have a brother at home ?"
The youngster was always truthful, but he wanted another balloon badly. "No," he replied regretfully, "but my sister does, and I'd like one for him." 
For every inch your waist measurement exceeds your chest measurement, subtract two years of your life, say the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company. Since nearly all over-weight is the result of overeating, the key to a longer life is less food. Experts say that most overeating is a simple consequence of established habit patterns. Bits & Pieces, June 27, 1991 
 (Bits & Pieces, June 27, 1991, http://www.epinc.com/)
 (The Funnies Andychap@aol.com)
 (Monday Antidote http://www.purpleatpixie.co.za/mondayA.htm)
 (Julie Salois via Bill's Punch Line email@example.com)