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WIT & WISDOM - September 30, 1998 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: How often we forget the little words of thanks, of praise, or encouragement. When we look back at our own life we remember not the gifts we have been given, but the smile, the kiss, the praise that has helped and enriched us. We must pray not to forget to give freely these "little things" to everyone we meet today. - Barbara Cartland [1] ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: 20 SECRETS TO HAPPINESS By RedHawk775 Return everything you borrow. Stop blaming other people. Live within your means and within your seams. Be humble. Listen more; talk less. Every day, do something nice and try not to get caught. Strive for excellence, not perfection. Be on time. Don't criticize anyone for 24 hours. Be kind to other people. Be even kinder to unkind people. Take time to be alone. Admit it when you make a mistake. Understand and accept that life isn't always fair. Let someone cut ahead of you in line. Don't argue. Know when to say something. Know when to keep your mouth shut. Don't make excuses. Don't sweat the small stuff. [2] ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: WRITING HOME THE EASY WAY: Dear Parent(s), Date:___________ I am too busy to write, but this checklist covers most of the topics of interest to both of us. Please send: __ Money (Cash)! Amount: _________________________ __ Food (Cookies)! Dozens: ___________ __ Clean clothes! Relationships: __ What? __ I am in love with myself __ I am in love! __ I am engaged __ I got married last weekend My Roommate: __ Worships the ground I walk on __ Gave me a black eye __ Has fleas My Professors are: __ Water walkers __ Mental institution escapees __ Brain dead nerds __ Super oxygen thieves Latest News: __ I wrecked the car __ I can't use your credit card because I have exceeded the credit limit Food: __ Is great! __ Even makes me appreciate your cooking __ I have had pizzas for the last eleven meals Grades: __ I am making all A's __ I am not being properly challenged __ I will be home after this semester I study: __ Night and day __ All the time __ 80 hours a week __ Only on Sunday afternoon __ None of the above On my last visit home, I left: __ My glasses __ My paper that was due yesterday __ The clothes you washed for me __ The check to cover my delinquent tuition payment __ Other _____________________________________________ Please send above items by Federal Express (Priority One) or UPS (Blue) Laundry: __ My white underwear is now _________________ __ I am saving money by not using detergent __ Don't worry, I washed my clothes last semester __ I hang my clothes out the window when it rains My room: __ Can pass your "white glove" test __ Is only _____% full __ Could not be located last Saturday night __ Was rented by the ROTC for hazardous terrain training Hope you: __ Miss me __ Can live without me __ Are not overdoing the celebration of my absence Salutation: __ Your Daughter, __ Your Son, __ Yours, [3] ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: The boy's clothing shop was giving away balloons to customers. One little fellow asked if he might have two. "Sorry," the clerk said, "but we give only one balloon to a child. Do you have a brother at home ?" The youngster was always truthful, but he wanted another balloon badly. "No," he replied regretfully, "but my sister does, and I'd like one for him." [4] ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: For every inch your waist measurement exceeds your chest measurement, subtract two years of your life, say the Metropolitan Life Insurance Company. Since nearly all over-weight is the result of overeating, the key to a longer life is less food. Experts say that most overeating is a simple consequence of established habit patterns. Bits & Pieces, June 27, 1991 [5] ~~~~~~~ CONTRIBUTORS: [1] (Bits & Pieces, June 27, 1991, http://www.epinc.com/) [2] (The Funnies Andychap@aol.com) [3] (Monday Antidote http://www.purpleatpixie.co.za/mondayA.htm) [4] (Julie Salois via Bill's Punch Line tcmrtalk@airmail.net) [5] (http://www.epinc.com/) |