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WIT & WISDOM - January 25, 1999
"It is just as big a lie to lie to myself as it is to lie to another." - Dick Innes 
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
There is a story of a grocery store owner who tried to weigh a prayer. A tired-looking woman came into the store and asked for enough food to make a dinner for her children. The grocer asked her how much she could spend. The frail woman answered, "I have nothing to offer but a little prayer."
The storekeeper was not very sentimental nor religious, so he said, half-mockingly, "Write it on paper, and I'll weigh it." So she did. The grocer placed the prayer on the weight side of his old-fashioned scales. Then he began piling food on the other side; but to his amazement, the scale would not go down. He finally became flustered and gave the woman a large bag of food.
The grocer never saw the woman again, but he treasures the slip of paper upon which the woman's prayer had been written; "Please, Lord, give us this day our daily bread."
- Author Unknown 
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
Twas the month after Christmas, and all through the house
Nothing would fit me, not even a blouse.
The cookies I'd nibbled, the eggnog I'd taste
At the holiday parties had gone to my waist.
When I got on the scales there arose such a number!
When I walked to the store (less a walk than a lumber).
I'd remember the marvelous meals I'd prepared;
The gravies and sauces and beef nicely rared,
The wine and the rum balls, the bread and the cheese
And the way I'd never said, "No thank you, please."
As I dressed myself in my husband's old shirt
And prepared once again to do battle with dirt-
I said to myself, as I only can
"You can't spend the winter disguised as a man!">
So - away with the last of the sour cream dip,
Get rid of the fruit cake, every cracker and chip
Every last bit of food that I like must be banished
"Till all the additional ounces have vanished.
I won't have a cookie--not even a lick.
I'll want only to chew on a long celery stick.
I won't have hot biscuits, or corn bread, or pie,
I'll munch on a carrot and quietly cry.
I'm hungry, I'm lonesome, and life is a bore-
But isn't that what January is for?
Unable to giggle, no longer a riot.
Happy New Year to all and to all a good diet!
- Author Unknown 
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
The little Jewish jester was overcome with grief. His world was at an end! For a long time he had served the Caliph at Bagdad and his Court, keeping them amused whenever they called upon him. But in a moment of thoughtlessness he had displeased his ruler who had ordered that he be put to death.
"However," said the Caliph, "in consideration of the merry jests you've told me all these years, I will let you choose how you are to die."
"O most generous Caliph," replied the jester, "if it's all the same to you, I choose death by old age!" 
One afternoon, I was in the back yard hanging the laundry when an old, tired-looking dog wandered into the yard. I could tell from his collar and well-fed belly that he had a home. But when I walked into the house, he followed me, sauntered down the hall and fell asleep in a corner. An hour later, he went to the door, and I let him out. The next day he was back. He resumed his position in the hallway and slept for an hour.
This continued for several weeks. Curious, I pinned a note to his collar: "Every afternoon your dog comes to my house for a nap."
The next day he arrived with a different note pinned to his collar: "He lives in a home with ten children - he's trying to catch up on his sleep."
By Susan F. Roman from Chicken Soup for the Pet Lover's Soul, Copyright 1998 by Jack Canfield, Mark Victor Hansen, Marty Becker and Carol Kline 
 (E-zine: WEEKEND ENCOUNTER http://www.gospelcom.net/actsi/weekly/)
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 (David A. Rinke II via E-zine: KEITH'S MOSTLY CLEAN HUMOR Mailto:KSullivan@worldnet.att.net)
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