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~~~~~~~ WITandWISDOM™ - March 29, 1999
Kindness is more than deeds. It is an attitude, an expression, a look, a touch. It is anything that lifts another person. - C. Neil Strait
(E-zine: HUMORG Mailto:Judib@kktv.com)
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
The police officer stood and faced his Maker,
which must always come to pass.
He hoped his shoes were shining,
Just as brightly as his brass.
"Step forward now, police officer,
how shall I deal with you?
Have you always turned the other cheek?
To your Maker, have you been true?"
The police officer, with squared shoulders, said
"No sir, I guess I ain't.
Because those of us who carry badges
can't always be a saint.
I've had to work most Sundays
and at times my talk was rough,
and sometimes I've been violent,
because the streets are tough.
But I never took a penny,
that wasn't mine to keep.
Though I worked a lot of overtime
when the bills just got too steep.
And I never passed by a cry for help
though at times I shook with fear,
and sometimes, please forgive me,
I've wept unmanly tears.
I know I don't deserve a place
among the people here.
They never wanted me around
except to calm their fears.
But if you have a place for me here,
well...it need not be too grand.
I never expected or had too much
so if You don't...I'll understand."
There was silence all around the room
where the saints respectfully stood.
As the police officer waited quietly,
for the judgment...bad or good.
"Step forward now, police officer,
you've borne your burdens well.
Come walk a beat on heaven's streets,
You've done your time in hell."
-JUST REWARD, Author Unknown
(Fast Eddie's Funnies
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
STILL MORE SIGNS
On a Barry Jolly Plumbing Van in the Cincinnati area:
"A flush beats a full house!"
This is what is on a sign at a little restaurant:
"Eat here or we'll both starve"
In a hospital car park in Kitakyushu, Japan:
"Anyone found parking without a permit will be given an injection"
In the key west international airport's souvenir store:
"Unattended children will be sold into slavery"
Sign on a retail store door in Stevens Point, WI:
if it doesn't open,
if it still doesn't open,
WE ARE CLOSED.
(E-zine: HAVE A NICE DAY Mailto:email@example.com)
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
My mother, at 90, was senile beyond belief. She knew no one and called me by the name of her older brother who had passed away many years ago. My wife and I visited her one evening in her nursing home. My wife said hello, kissed her, and asked, "Mother do you know who I am?" My mother looked at her a few seconds, deliberated and then said with infinite wisdom, "Don't you know who you are?" - By Alberts
How long were cancer-causing red M&M's on the market? . . . In the 1970's, the U.S. Food and Drug Administration began an investigation into "red dye number 2" after studies showed that the food coloring might cause cancer.
M&M's were introduced in 1940, but in response to the dye issue, candy maker M&M/Mars pulled the red ones off the market in 1976. Could these innocent looking candies really have been threatening lives for close to forty years?
Fortunately for chocolate lovers everywhere, red M&M's were never made with red dye number 2. M&M/Mars simply acted because the public wrongly believed that the dye was being used. This probably added fuel to the proverbial fire in a crowded movie theater, as removing the candies served to further convince some people that there was something wrong with them. The red M&M's have since been reintroduced.
From: THE BOOK OF ANSWERS By Barbara Berliner
(E-zine: MAILBITS.COM http://www.MailBits.com/Trivia)