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WITandWISDOM(tm) - September 14, 2004
I've done the calculation and your chances of winning the lottery are identical whether you play or not. - Fran Lebowitz
Source: Quotes of the Day, http://www.quotationspage.com/qotd.html
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
There was once a spider who lived in a cornfield. He was a big spider and he had spun a beautiful web between the corn stalks. He got fat eating all the bugs that would get caught in his web. He liked his home and planned to stay there for the rest of his life.
One day the spider caught a little bug in his web, and just as the spider was about to eat him, the bug said, "If you let me go I will tell you something important that will save your life." The spider paused for a moment and listened because he was amused. "You better get out of this cornfield," the little bug said, "The harvest is coming!"
The spider smiled and said, "What is this harvest you are talking about?
I think you are just telling me a story." But the little bug said, "Oh no, it is true. The owner of this field is coming to harvest it soon. All the stalks will be knocked down and the corn will be gathered up. You will be killed by the giant machines if you stay here."
The spider said, "I don't believe in harvests and giant machines that knock down corn stalks. How can you prove this?" The little bug continued, "Just look at the corn. See how it is planted in rows? It proves this field was created by an intelligent designer." The spider laughed and mockingly said, "This field has evolved and has nothing to do with a creator. Corn always grows that way." The bug went on to explain, "Oh no. This field belongs to the owner who planted it, and the harvest is coming soon." The spider grinned and said to the little bug, "I don't believe you," and then the spider ate the little bug for lunch.
A few days later, the spider was laughing about the story the little bug had told him. He thought to himself, "A harvest! What a silly idea. I have lived here all of my life and nothing has ever disturbed me. I have been here since these stalks were just a foot off the ground, and I'll be here for the rest of my life, because nothing is ever going to change in this field. Life is good, and I have it made."
The next day was a beautiful sunny day in the cornfield. The sky above was clear and there was no wind at all. That afternoon as the spider was about to take a nap, he noticed some thick dusty clouds moving toward him. He could hear the roar of a great engine and he said to himself, "I wonder what that could be?"
Source: Monday Fodder mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org?subject=Subscribe_Monday_Fodder
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
Interesting Thoughts . . .
I was thinking about how a status symbol of today is those cell phones that everyone has clipped on. I can't afford one. So, I'm wearing my garage door opener.
Employment application blanks always ask 'who is to be notified in case of an emergency.' I think you should write, "A Good Doctor!"
You know, I spent a fortune on deodorant before I realized that people didn't like me anyway.
I was thinking that women should put pictures of missing husbands on beer cans!
I was thinking about old age and decided that it is 'when you still have something on the ball, but you are just too tired to bounce it'.
I thought about making a fitness movie, for folks my age, and call it "Pumping Rust."
I have gotten that dreaded furniture disease. That's when your chest is falling into your drawers!
I know, when people see a cat's litter box, they always say, "Oh, have you got a cat?" Just once I want to say, "No, it's for company!"
Why do they put pictures of criminals up in the Post Office? What are we supposed to do -- write to these men? Why don't they just put their pictures on the postage stamps so the mailmen could look for them while they deliver the mail?
I was thinking about how people seem to read the Bible a whole lot more as they get older. Then, it dawned on me, they were cramming for their finals.
Submitted by Sharon Hamel
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
My appointment as pastor coincided with the church's appeal for aid for victims of a hurricane.
Unfortunately, on my first Sunday in the parish, the center page of the church bulletin was accidentally omitted. So members of the congregation read from the bottom of the second page to the top of the last page:
"Welcome to the Rev. Andrew Jensen and his family... the worst disaster to hit the area in this century. The full extent of the tragedy is not yet known."
Source: The Funnies, http://groups.yahoo.com/group/andychaps_the-funnies
The Duke of Wellington had planned an operation to take a dangerous hill. That famous general knew that when he gave the command for his men to charge, very few would come back alive. Even his stout military heart wavered at the thought. He told his regiments, "I will turn about, and every man that is willing at daybreak to make the charge on that hill, let him take two paces forward."
The general turned and waited. In a few moments an officer asked him to turn again. A look of disappointment momentarily crossed his face, for there was not a break in the lines. Yes, a look of disappointment momentarily-until the officer explained, "Every man has taken two paces forward!"
By George Vandeman
Source: These Times, Copyright (c) July 1969, Pacific Press, http://www.signstimes.com