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WITandWISDOM(tm) - March 25, 2005
“An optimist is one who takes the cold water thrown upon his idea, heats it with enthusiasm, and uses the steam to push ahead.”
Source: These Times, Copyright (c) July 1956, Pacific Press, http://www.signstimes.com
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
In January 2000, leaders in Charlotte, North Carolina, invited their favorite son, Billy Graham, to a luncheon in his honor. Billy initially hesitated to accept the invitation because he struggles with Parkinson's disease. But the Charlotte leaders said, "We don't expect a major address. Just come and let us honor you." So he agreed.
After wonderful things were said about him, Dr. Graham stepped to the rostrum, looked at the crowd, and said, "I'm reminded today of Albert Einstein, the great physicist who this month has been honored by Time magazine as the Man of the Century.
Einstein was once traveling from Princeton on a train when the conductor came down the aisle, punching the tickets of each passenger. When he came to Einstein, Einstein reached in his vest pocket. He couldn't find his ticket, so he reached in his other pocket. It wasn't there, so he looked in his briefcase but couldn't find it. Then he looked in the seat by him. He couldn't find it.
The conductor said, 'Dr. Einstein, I know who you are. We all know who you are. I'm sure you bought a ticket. Don't worry about it.' Einstein nodded appreciatively.
The conductor continued down the aisle punching tickets. As he was ready to move to the next car, he turned around and saw the great physicist down on his hands and knees looking under his seat for his ticket.
The conductor rushed back and said, 'Dr. Einstein, Dr. Einstein, don't worry I know who you are. No problem. You don't need a ticket. I'm sure you bought one.'
Einstein looked at him and said, 'Young man, I too know who I am. What I don't know is where I'm going.'"
Having said that Billy Graham continued, "See the suit I'm wearing? It's a brand new suit. My wife, my children, and my grandchildren are telling me I've gotten a little slovenly in my old age. I used to be a bit more fastidious. So I went out and bought a new suit for this luncheon and one more occasion.
You know what that occasion is? This is the suit in which I'll be buried. But when you hear I'm dead, I don't want you to immediately remember the suit I'm wearing. I want you to remember this: I not only know who I am, I also know where I'm going."
Submitted by Bill Bates
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
London Underground Driver Announcements
Those of you who suffer the underground will find this a laugh, it's a list of actual announcements that Tube train drivers have made to their passengers.
"Your delay this evening is caused by the line controller suffering from elbow and backside syndrome, not knowing his elbow from his backside. I'll let you know any further information as soon as I'm given any."
"Please allow the doors to close. Try not to confuse this with 'Please hold the doors open'. The two are distinct and separate instructions."
"Please note that the beeping noise coming from the doors means that the doors are about to close. It does not mean throw yourself or your bags into the doors."
"Do you want the good news first or the bad news? The good news is that last Friday was my birthday and I hit the town and had a great time. The bad news is that there is a points failure somewhere between Stratford and East Ham, which means we probably won't reach our destination."
"We are now traveling through Baker Street, as you can see Baker Street is closed. It would have been nice if they had actually told me, so I could tell you, but no, they don't think about things like that"
"Apparently, this train is no longer terminating at Barking, but is in fact, terminating here. I'm sorry about this but I too was under the impression that this train was going to Barking, but 'they' have other ideas. I mean, why tell me - I'm merely the driver..."
"We can't move off because some has their hand stuck in the door. Let the passengers off the train FIRST!' He gave up... 'Go on then, stuff yourselves in like sardines, see if I care, I'm going home.'" Cue uproarious laughter from the whole station.
"To the gentleman wearing the long grey coat trying to get on the second carriage, what part of 'stand clear of the doors' don't you understand?"
Source: Top Greetings
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
One of my fourth graders asked my teacher's assistant, "How old are you, Mrs. Glass?"
"You should never ask an adult's age," I broke in.
"That's okay." Harriett smiled. "I'm fifty."
"Wow, you don't look that old," the boy said.
I was breathing a sigh of relief when another child chimed in, "Parts of her do."
Contributed to "Life in These United States" by Katherine Norgard
Source: DailyInBox Presents, http://dailyinbox.com
La Vista, Neb. - When a man walks into a gas station and tells the clerk that he has a gun that's funny, right?
Well, a young man thought it was when he played that old joke on the clerk, who just happened to be his mother.
When another customer overheard what was going on, they dialed the police.
When officers found the man and his friend in a car they suddenly smelled pot.
After searching the vehicle they found a half pound of weed and hundreds of dollars in cash.
Source: Top Greetings