|Prior Date||Archive Index||Next Date|
WITandWISDOM(tm) - April 2, 1998
Blessed are those who can laugh at themselves, they will never cease to be amused.
(Shared by Mikey's Funnies http://www.YouthSpecialties.com)
Suppose a father catches his son throwing a rock at a car. Dad says, "You threw a rock at a car, and that was wrong." If the boy responds, "I'm sorry, Dad," has he confessed? Not really. He may also say, "Please forgive me, Dad," but has he actually confessed yet? No. He hasn't confessed until he agrees with his dad, "I threw a rock at a car; I was wrong."
When you sin, you may feel sorry, but feeling sorry or even telling God your are sorry is not confession. You confess your sin when you say what God says about it: "I entertained a lustful thought, and that is a sin"; "I treated my spouse unkindly this morning, and that was wrong"; "Pride motivated me to seek that board position, and pride does not belong in my life." - Neil T. Anderson, Bondage Breaker
THIS & THAT:
THINGS YOU WOULD NEVER KNOW WITHOUT THE MOVIES
All grocery shopping bags contain at least one stick of French Bread.
It's easy for anyone to land a plane providing there is someone in the control tower to talk you down.
Once applied, lipstick will never rub off - even while scuba diving.
The ventilation system of any building is the perfect hiding place. No-one will ever think of looking for you in there and you can travel to any other part of the building you want without difficulty.
If you need to reload your gun, you will always have more ammunition even if you haven't been carrying any before now.
You're very likely to survive any battle in any war unless you make the mistake of showing someone a picture of your sweetheart back home.
Should you wish to pass yourself off as a German officer, it will not be necessary to speak the language. A German accent will do.
A man will show no pain while taking the most ferocious beating but will wince when a woman tries to clean his wounds.
If a large pane of glass is visible, someone will be thrown through it before long.
When paying for a taxi, don't look at your wallet as you take out a bill - just grab one at random and hand it over. It will always be the exact fare.
Mothers routinely cook eggs, bacon and waffles for their family every morning even though their husband and children never have time to eat it.
Cars that crash will almost always burst into flames.
A single match will be sufficient to light up a room the size of RFK Stadium.
All bombs are fitted with electronic timing devices with large red readouts so you know exactly when they're going to go off.
It does not matter if you are heavily outnumbered in a fight involving martial arts - your enemies will wait patiently to attack you one by one by dancing around in a threatening manner until you have knocked out their predecessors.
Any lock can be picked by a credit card or a paper clip in seconds - unless it's the door to a burning building with a child trapped inside.
(Shared by Kitty's Daily Mews http://www.katscratch.com)
A minister of music was working on a "prospect" for the church choir, but the man protested, "Reverend, for me, being in the choir would be like being in jail." The minister of music was shocked - "How is that?" "Oh, I'd always be behind a few bars, looking for the right key."
(Shared by Xander Quinn via Bill's Punch Line firstname.lastname@example.org)
Only before its first meal of the day can the electric eel zap out that 640 volts.
(Shared by Alex via Just 4 Laughs! http://www.GeoCities.com/Hollywood/Set/6993)