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WITandWISDOM(tm) - May 11, 1998
When you save face for others, your face looks better too.
(Bits & Pieces, December 13, 1990, http://www.epinc.com/)
TOP TEN REASONS TO READ THE BIBLE
Matthew 4:4, John 5:24, John 8:3, Mark 13:31
BECAUSE WE FIND IN IT'S PAGES. . .
1. A true massage for all times . . .
1 Peter 1:24-25
2. Word inspired by God . . .
2 Timothy 3:16
2 Peter 1: 19-21
3. The path to eternity . . .
2 Timothy 3:15
1 John 5:9-12
4. Forgiveness . . .
5. God's love . . .
1 John 4:9-10
1 John 3:16
6. Peace . . .
7. A true hope . . .
1 John 5:13
8. Pureness . . .
9. A path for life . . .
10. Happiness . . .
(Shared by Jose Interiano)
THIS & THAT:
YOU KNOW YOU'RE A MOM WHEN . . .
1. You count the sprinkles on each kid's cupcake to make sure they're equal.
2. You want to take out a contract on the kid who broke your child's favorite toy and made him/her cry.
3. You say at least once a day, I'm not cut out for this job, but you know you wouldn't trade it for anything in the world.
4. You hide in the bathroom to be alone.
5. You child throws up, and you catch it.
6. Someone else's kid throws up at a party, and you keep eating.
7. You consider finger paint to be a controlled substance.
8. You mastered the art of placing large quantities of pancakes and eggs on a plate without anything touching.
9. Your child insists that you read Once Upon a Potty out loud in the lobby of the doctor's office, or, better yet, in the lobby of a Grand Central Station . . . and you do it.
10. You hire a sitter because you haven't been out with your husband in ages, then spend half the night talking about and checking on the kids.
11. You hope ketchup is a vegetable because it's the only one your child eats.
12. You cling to the high moral ground on toy weapons, while your child chews his toast into the shape of a gun.
13. You can't bear the thought of your son's first girlfriend.
14. You hate the thought of his wife even more.
15. You donate to charities in the hope that your child won't get that disease.
16. You find yourself cutting your husband's sandwiches into unusual shapes.
17. You fast-forward through the scene when the hunter shoots Bambi's mother.
18. You read that the average five-year-old asks 437 questions a day and feel proud that your kid is above average.
19. You obsess when your child clings to you upon parting during his first month at school, then obsess when he skips in without looking back the second time.
20. You can't bear to give away baby clothes - it's so final.
21. You hear your mother's voice coming out of your mouth when you say, "Not in your good clothes!"
22. You stop criticizing the way your mother raised you.
(Shared by Just 4 Laughs! Http://www.GeoCities.com/Hollywood/Set/6993)
This fellow who had spent his whole life in the desert comes to visit a friend. He'd never seen a train or the tracks they run on. While standing in the middle of the RR tracks one day, he hears this whistle - Whooee da Whoee! - but doesn't know what it is. Predictably, he's hit - but, only a glancing blow - and is thrown, head-over- heals, to the side of the tracks, with some minor internal injuries, a few broken bones, and some bruises.
After weeks in the hospital recovering, he's at his friend's house attending a party, one evening. While in the kitchen, he suddenly hears the tea kettle whistling. He grabs a baseball bat from the nearby closet and proceeds to batter and bash the tea kettle into an unrecognizable lump of metal. His friend, hearing the ruckus, rushes into the kitchen, sees what's happened and asks the desert man: "Why'd you ruin my good tea kettle?"
The desert man replies: "Man, you gotta kill these things when they're small."
(Shared by Harsh Javeri via Oracle Service Humor Mailing List http://www.oraclehumor.com)
EDUCATION PAYS OFF
Average annual earnings in 1992:
No high school diploma $12,809
Diploma only 18,737
Bachelors degree 32,629
Masters degree 40,368
Professional degree 74,560
- The World Almanac and Book of Facts, 1996
(Shared by Elisa Wimer)