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WIT & WISDOM - November 12, 1998
Until you make peace with who you are, you'll never be content with what you have. - Doris Mortman 
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
GOD KNOWS WHERE I AM!
By Ken Gaub
Do you believe that God not only loves you, but knows where you are and what you're doing every minute of the day? I certainly do after an amazing experience I had several years ago. At the time I was driving on 1-75 near Dayton, Ohio, with my wife and children.
We turned off the highway for a rest and refreshment stop. My wife Barbara and children went into the restaurant. I suddenly felt the need to stretch my legs, so waved them off ahead saying I'd join them later. I bought a soft drink, and as I walked toward a dairy Queen, feelings of self pity enshrouded my mind. I loved the Lord and my ministry, but I felt drained, burdened. My cup was empty.
Suddenly the impatient ringing of a telephone nearby jarred me out of my doldrums. It was coming from a phone booth at a service station on the corner. Wasn't anyone going to answer the phone?
Noise form the traffic flowing through the busy intersection must have drowned out the sound because the service station attendant continued looking after his customers, oblivious to the incessant ringing.
"Why doesn't somebody answer that phone?" I muttered. I began reasoning. It may be important. What if it's an emergency? Curiosity overcame my indifference. I stepped inside the booth and picked up the phone.
"Hello," I said casually and took a big sip of my drink. The operator said:" Long distance call for Ken Gaub." My eyes widened, and I almost choked on a chunk of ice. Swallowing hard, I said, "You're crazy!" Then realizing I shouldn't speak to an operator like that, I added, "This can't be! I was walking down the road, not bothering anyone, and the phone was ringing . . ."
"Is Ken Gaub there?" the operator interrupted, "I have a long distance call for him." It took a moment to gain control of my babbling, but I finally replied, "Yes, he is here." Searching for a possible explanation, I wondered if I could possibly be on Candid Camera! Still shaken, perplexed, I asked, "How in the world did you reach me here? I was walking down the road, the pay phone started ringing, and I just answered it on change. You can't mean me."
"Well," the operator asked, "is Mr. Gaub there or isn't he?"
"Yes, I am Ken Gaub," I said, finally convinced by the tone of her voice that the call was real.
Then I heard another voice say, "Yes, that's him, operator. That's Ken Gaub." I listened dumbfounded to a strange voice identify herself. "I'm Millie from Harrisburg, Pennsylvania. You don't know me, Mr. Gaub, but I'm desperate. Please help me."
"What can I do for you?"
She began weeping. Finally she regained control and continued. "I was about to commit suicide, had just finished writing a note, when I began to pray and tell God I really didn't want to do this. Then I suddenly remembered seeing you on television and thought if I could just talk to you, you could help me. I knew that was impossible because I didn't know how to reach you, I didn't know anyone who could help me find you. Then some numbers came to my mind, and I scribbled them down."
At this point she began weeping again, and I prayed silently for wisdom to help her. She continued, "I looked at the numbers and thought, Wouldn't it be wonderful if I had a miracle from God, and He has given me Ken's phone number? I decided to try calling it. I can't believe I 'm talking to you. Are you in your office in California?"
I replied, "Lady, I don't have an office in California. My office is in Yakima, Washington."
A little surprised, she asked, "Oh really, then where are you?"
Don't you know?" I responded. "You made the call."
She explained, "But I don't even know what area I'm calling. I just dialed the number that I had on this paper."
"Ma'am, you won't believe this, but I'm in a phone booth in Dayton Ohio!"
"Really?" she exclaimed. "Well, what are you doing there?"
I kidded her gently, "Well, I'm answering the phone. It was ringing as I walked by, so I answered it."
Knowing this encounter could only have been arranged by God, I began to counsel the woman. As she told me of her despair and frustration, the presence of the Holy Spirit flooded the phone booth giving me words of wisdom beyond my ability. In a matter of moments, she prayed the sinner's prayer and met the One who would lead her out of her situation into a new life.
I walked away form that telephone booth with an electrifying sense of our heavenly Father's concern for each of His children. What were the astronomical odds of this happening. With all the millions of phones and innumerable combinations of numbers, only an all-knowing God could have caused that woman to call that number in that phone booth at that moment in time.
Forgetting my drink and nearly bursting with exhilaration, I headed back to my family, wondering if they would believe my story. Maybe I better not tell this I thought, but I couldn't contain it. "Barb, you won't believe this! God knows where I am!"
God also knows where you are. Place yourself in His hands, concentrate on knowing His will for your life, and He will never forsake or forget you. 
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
THINGS YOU DON'T WANT TO OVERHEAR OVER AN AIRLINE P.A. SYSTEM
1. Ocean crossing flight: This is your Captain speaking, I just wanted to take this time to remind you that your seat cushions can be used as floatation devices.
2. Hey folks, were going to play a little game of geography trivia. If you can recognize where we are, tell your flight attendant and receive an extra pack of peanuts.
3. Our loss of altitude allows a unique close up perspective of the local terrain. I assure you that it's all part of our airlines new commitment to make your a flight a sight seeing extravaganza.
4. Goose! Bogey at 2 o'clock . . .one on our tail!!!! Eject!!!! Eject!!!!!!!
5. ummmmmm . . .Sorry . . .(silence)
6. (As the plane turns around right after takeoff). . .uhhhhh. . .we have to go back . . .we . . .we . . .uhhhhhh . . .forgot something . . .
7. I'm sure everyone's noticed the loss of an engine, however the reduction in weight and drag will mean we'll be flying much more efficiently now. (ironic note: this is actually true for prop aircraft!)
8. Fasten your seatbelt. (same tone your friend with the suicidal driving tendencies uses when you get in the car)
9. This is your Captain speaking . . .these darn planes are a lot different than the ships I'm used to . . .so you'll have to give me some leeway . . .
10. It would be a good idea if right now everyone closed their shades and watched the in-flight movie.
11. We've now reached our cruising altitude of 20,000 feet and . . . Oh no . . .
12. Don't worry that one is always on E . . .
13. Get the parachutes ready . . . 
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
The head of a corporation, who was a rather pigheaded, obstinate man, called his executives on the carpet one day. "Look," he fumed, "you people have got to get on the ball - that's all there is to it. If we have any bottlenecks around here, I want you to tell me what they are. Is that clear?"
After the meeting one executive turned to another, "I've had some experience with bottles, and from that experience I can tell you that the necks are always at the top." - Bits & Pieces, June 27, 1991 
Nicolo Paganini was a well-known and gifted nineteenth century violinist. His most memorable concert was in Italy with a full orchestra. He was performing before a packed house and his technique was incredible, his tone was fantastic, and his audience dearly loved him. Toward the end of his concert, Paganini was astounding his audience with an unbelievable composition when suddenly one string on his violin snapped and hung limply from his instrument. Paganini frowned briefly, shook his head, and continued to play, improvising beautifully.
Then to everyone's surprise, a second string broke. And shortly thereafter, a third. Almost like a slapstick comedy, Paganini stood there with three strings dangling from his Stradivarius. But instead of leaving the stage, Paganini stood his ground and calmly completed the difficult number on the one remaining string. 
 (Sharon Unger)
 (John Hilbe via Good, Clean Funnies List
 (Louise Maxwell)