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WITandWISDOM(tm) - November 24, 1999
"There is no man so poor as he who has only money." - Edwin Pugh
(E-zine: AMERICA'S QUOTE Mailto:subscribe- firstname.lastname@example.org)
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
HOW TO OBSERVE THANKSGIVING
Count your blessings instead of your crosses;
Count your gains instead of your losses.
Count your joys instead of your woes;
Count your friends instead of your foes.
Count your smiles instead of your tears;
Count your courage instead of your fears.
Count your full years instead of your lean;
Count your kind deeds instead of your mean.
Count your health instead of your wealth;
Count on God instead of yourself.
- Author Unknown
(Marcia Buehman via E-zine: MONDAY FODDER Mailto:email@example.com)
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
TEACHER: Why are you late?
WEBSTER: Because of the sign.
TEACHER: What sign?
WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow."
SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark?
FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write?
SYLVIA: Your name on this report card.
TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake.
SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher. . . snakes don't have feet.
TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects?
JOSE: Don't bite any.
TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I".
ELLEN: I is. . .
TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am."
ELLEN: All right. . . "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet."
MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you?
JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money.
TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have?
CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands!
Source: E-zine: FUNNY-BONE Mailto:Join-Funny-Bone@lists.spunge.org
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but unable to find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?"
The stock boy replied politely, "No, ma'am, I'm positive they're dead."
(E-zine: KITTY'S DAILY MEWS Mailto:firstname.lastname@example.org)
Amount of turkey eaten by the average American in 1996: 15 pounds
Percentage turkey consumption has increased since 1980: 80
Estimated number of calories a Thanksgiving turkey consumes in its lifetime: 100,000
World record for the largest turkey ever raised, in pounds: 75
- The Oregonian, Nov. 25, 1998