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WITandWISDOM(tm) - November 24, 1999 ~~~~~~~ THOUGHTS: "There is no man so poor as he who has only money." - Edwin Pugh (E-zine: AMERICA'S QUOTE Mailto:subscribe- quotes@listserv.salko.com) ~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS: HOW TO OBSERVE THANKSGIVING Count your blessings instead of your crosses; Count your gains instead of your losses. Count your joys instead of your woes; Count your friends instead of your foes. Count your smiles instead of your tears; Count your courage instead of your fears. Count your full years instead of your lean; Count your kind deeds instead of your mean. Count your health instead of your wealth; Count on God instead of yourself. Happy Thanksgiving! - Author Unknown (Marcia Buehman via E-zine: MONDAY FODDER Mailto:dgaufaaa@iohk.com) ~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT: CHILDREN'S HUMOR TEACHER: Why are you late? WEBSTER: Because of the sign. TEACHER: What sign? WEBSTER: The one that says, "School Ahead, Go Slow." SILVIA: Dad, can you write in the dark? FATHER: I think so. What do you want me to write? SYLVIA: Your name on this report card. TEACHER: In this box, I have a 10-foot snake. SAMMY: You can't fool me, Teacher. . . snakes don't have feet. TEACHER: How can you prevent diseases caused by biting insects? JOSE: Don't bite any. TEACHER: Ellen, give me a sentence starting with "I". ELLEN: I is. . . TEACHER: No, Ellen. Always say, "I am." ELLEN: All right. . . "I am the ninth letter of the alphabet." MOTHER: Why on earth did you swallow the money I gave you? JUNIOR: You said it was my lunch money. TEACHER: If I had seven oranges in one hand and eight oranges in the other, what would I have? CLASS COMEDIAN: Big hands! Source: E-zine: FUNNY-BONE Mailto:Join-Funny-Bone@lists.spunge.org (Donna Eick) ~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING: A lady was picking through the frozen turkeys at the grocery store, but unable to find one big enough for her family. She asked a stock boy, "Do these turkeys get any bigger?" The stock boy replied politely, "No, ma'am, I'm positive they're dead." (E-zine: KITTY'S DAILY MEWS Mailto:kittysdailymews-subscribe@topica.com) ~~~~~~~ TRIVIA: TURKEY FACTS Amount of turkey eaten by the average American in 1996: 15 pounds Percentage turkey consumption has increased since 1980: 80 Estimated number of calories a Thanksgiving turkey consumes in its lifetime: 100,000 World record for the largest turkey ever raised, in pounds: 75 - The Oregonian, Nov. 25, 1998 (Barbara Henry) |