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WITandWISDOM(tm) - November 7, 2003
"We can believe almost anything if it be necessary to protect our pride." - Douglas A. Thom
Source: Today's Verse and Quote, http://www.net153.com/best.htm
~~~~~~~ SPECIAL THOUGHTS:
God Uses Dumb People Too
November 6, 2003 marks eleven years of marriage for my wife and I. I am proud to say God blessed me with a wife I call my best friend. As usual, He has truly been good to me; He has always been better to me than I deserve.
I was a deejay at a local radio station for many years, and for some reason young girls loved to call and flirt while I was on the air. One girl in particular just about drove me nuts. Every few minutes Jessica hounded me with song requests, irritating giggles, and invitations to take her on a date. Now, I wanted nothing to do with this underaged stalker, but no matter what I said to her, I could never convince her of my lack of interest.
This time she called me at home and I was furious! "How did you get my number?" I asked in a huff.
"One of the other deejays gave it to me."
"Never call this number again!" I screamed before slamming the receiver into its cradle. I was already in a hurry trying to get ready for a date with someone I had just met a few days prior--a beautiful young woman with whom I hoped to date steady soon. I was in a hurry, but I needed to get rid of the annoying phone calls from my stalking teenybopper. I remembered that one of the other deejays gave me the girl's phone number in order to call her parents and make them aware of the situation. After fishing around in my pockets, I found the scrap piece of paper with the phone number. Still fuming with anger, I picked up the phone and dialed the number.
"Hello?" a young man's voice answered.
"Hi, I'm a deejay for WLOG;" I started, "would you happen to have a sister named Jessica?"
"No, but I have a sister named Jennifer."
So, she gave me a fake name, I thought. "Well, do me a favor and tell your parents that she is calling me day and night trying to get me to take her on a date, and I want the calls to stop!"
"Is this Mike Collins?" he asked.
"That's right," I replied.
"Well, aren't you dating her?"
"No!" I screamed. "Are you crazy? I would not go out with her if my life depended on it! Now, do me a favor and tell your parents that she is to never call me again."
"Well, all right," he said before hanging up.
I grabbed my coat and headed for the car. It was a thirty-minute drive to pick up my date, and all I wanted was to get that last phone conversation out of my mind. This was my first meeting with my date's family and I wanted to make a good impression, so I tried to focus on calming down.
As I pulled out the directions to her house, I recognized the handwriting on the directions as the same handwriting on the note with Jessica's phone number. I pulled to the side of the road and compared the two notes. Not only were they the same handwriting, but they had also been torn from the same sheet of paper. It suddenly dawned on me that the phone number I had just dialed was my girlfriend's, and the conversation I just had was with my new girlfriend's brother, Don!
I was dead meat. I had just asked my girlfriend's brother to tell his parents that she was to never call me again. What is worse, I was on my way to pick her up and meet the whole family for the first time! Dead meat, I tell you.
As I pulled into the driveway, everyone was sitting on the porch waiting. I had never seen so many stern faces in my life. So stepping out of my car, I walked right up to the porch and announced, "I am the dumbest human you will ever meet." Everyone burst into laughter after I explained what had happened.
Well, thank God, the calls from Jessica stopped, but those from Jennifer never did. In fact, she and I have been happily married for over eleven years. Her mother still gives me that stern look occasionally, though!
Source: Mike Collins' E-Column, Mike is a syndicated columnist, broadcaster and author of Christian related material. To subscribe visit: http://www.mikecollins.biz/
or visit his archive at:
(I am grateful for Mikes's permission to use stories from his column. - Richard Wimer :o)
~~~~~~~ THIS & THAT:
A Swiss guy visited Sydney, Australia, and pulled up at a bus stop where two locals were waiting.
"Entschuldigung, koennen Sie Deutsch sprechen?" he asked. The two Aussies just stared at him.
"Excusez-moi, parlez vous Francais?" he tried. The two continued to stare.
Other than a glance at each other, there was still no response.
"Hablan ustedes Espanol?"
The Swiss guy gave up and drove off, extremely disgusted. When he was gone, the first Aussie turned to the second and said, "Y'know, maybe we should learn a foreign language."
"Why?" the other replied. "That guy knew four languages, and it didn't do him any good."
Submitted by P G Vargis
~~~~~~~ KEEP SMILING:
Wealthy people miss one of life's greatest thrills, making the last car payment.
Source: Smile a Day Newsletter (c), http://www.net153.com/best.htm
Your Dog's Amazing Sense of Smell
He can sniff out chocolate (a big no-no!) buried at the bottom of a grocery bag. He whiffs in seconds when another canine has invaded his yard. Just how amazing is your best friend's gift? Well, for starters, dogs:
Have 25 times as many scent receptors as humans.
Can sense concentrations of smells about 100 million times lower than humans.
Are able to smell the differences in a mixture of scents. For example, dogs can distinguish between the cheese and pepperoni smells in pizza.
May be able to sniff out certain kinds of cancers in humans, according to recent scientific studies.
Source: Your Dog, Fall/Winter 2003, (c) Copyright The Iams Company, http://www.iams.com